MC night before
It’s the night before I begin the Master Cleanse and much later than I’d like it to be – close to midnight. I’ve just come home from having an impromptu dinner and a great conversation with two good friends (k + a). Now I’m warm in bed sipping my senna tea and I’m slighty nervous about the coming days. I’ve decided to blog about it since I am sure that the one friend of mine to whom I’ll give this blog’s address and whom I would tell all of the major and minor details and ups and downs of this cleanse to can’t and shouldn’t sustain interest or availability to hear all of my minor food-related dramas.
Having eaten a fantastic meal tonight and, more pleasantly, having imbibed the nectar that is burdick’s hot chocolate I’m feeling as though it won’t be very easy to abstain from food in this cold when my body is doing everything it can to keep warm and friends and family are sharing feasts. But it’s the right time for me – the end of a significant year that i want to mark in some way but more importantly, holidays and likely snow days have conspired to give me the most time away from an office cubicle where sitting in one place for 8 hours straight without something to munch on will require nothing less than the sheer and total focus of my willpower.
I don’t remember the senna tea tasting as badly as this one – well not bad, but the one I had the last time I did this clease about two years ago was slightly sweeter. i know i’m going to hate myself in the morning for having slept so little – I’ll be waking up extra early to take in the dreaded salt water flush and let it do its work. we’re expecting about 6 inches of snow in the early afternoon so i’m hoping that i’ll be able to come home early – following the small holiday party we have in the morning, where I’m sure cookies and cakes and coffee will abound and where it’ll be me and my lemonade. I hope I can be discrete about it, everyone has something to say about fasting and i have no desire to get into long explanations about why I’m doing this and what effect it will have on my body and all that shit about protein. i hope i don’t do that thing that i do which is to do something i don’t want to do anyway (like tell people I’m on the Master Cleanse or blah). I wonder where the impetus to spill my guts in a neat twenty secnds like that comes from. Anyway, I’ll save such self-indulgant mining of the psych for another time, when i have the energy to attempt humor. See, friend who has the address to this blog, this is hard and i know you’re bored!
Here are my goals for the cleanse:
- deal with my cravings for excessive amounts of wheat and sugar (and chocolate and cheese). I love bread, alot. and i put too much sugar in my tea and drink at least 2-3 cups a day. I need a break.
- realign my diet and excercise with my goal to eat food that will support my body and bring energy and vitality rather than lethargy (as cheese and chocolate tend to do!) I am secretly afraid of getting cancer or alziehmers and have managed to hide my hypochondria from all but a few. Most of it is rubbish, some of it is rooted in this equation – i worry = i eat = i don’t excercise = i feel unattractive = i eat = i worry = i am unhealthy … a self-fulfilling prophesy. i’d rather blow this system out of the water and replace it completely, break a cycle, which is what i hope this cleanse will do
- have a mental break and exercise willpower and discipline. In the next few months, as i move closer to living my dreams out loud, I know i’ll require a lot of discipline – I hope that the attention to habits and patterns that comes with the cleanse will help me on my path to being more disciplined.
now i am sleepy. i know this first entry is undeniably boring but i’m very very tired. dear reader, i promise to make the next few funny, spilling over with witticisms and the kind of entry that gets you noticed by the publishing world and garners a one million dollar contract and an article in the New Yorker. but this is not then i had to start now and so i have. thank you you for braving it to the end.
